very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
