you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
