I'm really into asian looking animals
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
