Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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