She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
