If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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