i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
