my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
