My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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