it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
