He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
