Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
