I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
