after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
