she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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