i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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