I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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