wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
