oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
