she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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