just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
