He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
