So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she woke up with a sticky ear
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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