My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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