her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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