Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
