Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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