seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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