So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
