I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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