'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
