Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
