what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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