Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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