Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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