i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
