her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
