Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize