I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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