Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
