Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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