we have pet lesbian snakes
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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