you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
