Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
