And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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