Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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