It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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