so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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