he puts the penis in happiness.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
