I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
